The Life Of a Coffee Addict

just about some crazy wild antics, some restless thoughts of the one who walks the walls of the city relentlessly, the story of a coffee addict

Friday, January 11, 2002


What I like about him most that wrecks my heart? It is probably the gentle light brown eyes that goes all soft and hazy, the way he cocks his head to consider something - he is always so much slower in thinking than me - the fact that he misspells heart as hear and me - heart and heary. Hmmm..... i like his gentle ways. The way he walks slowly with his hands in the pocket. The fact that he is so rest assured of himself. That he puts me in everything that he does and speaks.

He loves the rain and so do I. I was very surprised when he told me that he liked walking in the rain and getting soaking wet. We both have best friends who are mad about literature and all sorts of books, music and art. We both are influence by these people in many ways and they meant something of much in our lives. We both are selective, have a small number of closests friends which we remain faithfully attached. I like it that he is much rational than I am and that he doesn't push me to make decision or to alter decisions.
I remember asking him what he liked for I wanted to buy him a birthday gift that he would treasure and like. And he immediately answered without much due consideration that he liked me. I decided to reinterate my words and asked him what things he liked and he replied everything that I owned. Hmm...this one I know is mine forever.. for life. I do not know why. It just fits. It is as though my heart recognises him but my mind.. my mind balks backs.

It is the heart that speaks now and the mind is silent. I wonder how this relationship would go. It is as though we both are sitting on this sinking ship but both loathe to let go....

Sleep Deprivation

I could not sleep last night. Was tossing and turning. Could not shake the late evening's episode from my head. I can still picture the conversation that we had. It started out well but it ended out in almost tears and torment for both of us. To couple with a lot of things I had meant to end it there and then. Then suddenly one things after the other came out. The students were upset with their paper. I was done trying to console myself let alone to console them. I saw him sitting there on the bench all alone. He seemed all broken up inside and so was I. Love is a funny thing. It fills you up with alot of emotions and takes away your rationality.

I said we should give it a try. To say things too fast is not right. I walked back home by myself. He followed me from afar. This I knew for I felt. Also, I did turn back when I was the bridge. He was deep in thoughts but so was I.

Today he called and said he was dying. Funny, it would seem that I own the last trump card and not him. Why must people make their life miserable by putting everyone in their heart and tormenting themself with other people's measurement and approval? This I know not, for I could be a victim of my own silly intelligence. I never thought for once, I would experience this torment that hurts and gives you joy at the same time. It hurts. A lot of things hurts. It is like the song... and everybody hurts inside...........

Thursday, January 10, 2002

What is life without pain? What is life without hurt and happiness?
It has dawned into my mind that my heart and my mind is the ruler of me. And that I am not driven by one thing rather I am driven by both things. It pains me inside to know that I am torn apart by circumstances. I had never thought ever dreamed of that I would be in this situation. I have never thought that love would hurt so much at the same time give you so much of happiness.